Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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