There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
