If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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