planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
