Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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