I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
