is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
