You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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