Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
