thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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