dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
