U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
