i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
