good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
