No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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