Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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