can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
