God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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