it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
