My friends, they love my intelligence
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
