Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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