gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
