what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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