Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
