any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
