before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
