i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
