hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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