This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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