you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
