i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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