i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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