That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
