she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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