I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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