I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
