I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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