she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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