Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
