Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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