Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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