I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
