I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
