Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
