Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
