well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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