Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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