my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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