nut hugger
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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