Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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