I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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