last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
